Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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