Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
