Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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