I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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