a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
