dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
