so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
