I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
