Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
