At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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