My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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