I think i peed on brittanys purse
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize