I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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