PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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