don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
