My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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