i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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