So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
