Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
