I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize