nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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