i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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