Just cropdusted the office
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this just has baby written all over it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
