rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize