its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I will be naked everywhere
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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