you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
