I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize