how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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