I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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