Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
