my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
