So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
