is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
