saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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