i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
