im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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