Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
