her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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