Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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