WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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