plz talk dirty to me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
