Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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