I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
