bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
