And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
