if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
