You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
