I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
