I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
