I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
