Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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