maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
