I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize