Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
