at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Green mimosas i think yes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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