he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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