it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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