we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
