thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
