how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
