I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
