Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
