when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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