great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
