i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm at about main and main street
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
