I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
