1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
