I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
