If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
