my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
