Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
