made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
